When I arrived at his place, he greeted me with a smile and a hug. I fully expected to go back to work afterwards, as well, like I had just hit the gym for an hour. But instead I took an early lunch from work to make my 11 a.m. Maybe it was his sincerity and genuine interest in women deserving pleasure. But all were looking for affection and intimacy not orgasms. I learned that most of his customers were either in sexless marriages, divorced, or widowed. At this point, I was in full-on research mode and my fantasy had receded. We talked for an hour and he answered my dozen questions. How did he get started? Why? Subconsciously I wanted to discover answers for myself, too like would I actually do it? Were they married or single, older or younger, sex-positive or timid? I also wanted to know more about him. I wanted to understand more about the women who made appointments who they were and what they hoped to get. ![]() I immediately messaged him and said that I’d like to interview him. I couldn’t actually commit to seeing him as a paying customer, but I figured I could get a fascinating story out of this discovery. He was a real person, with a secret job on the side pleasuring women. I found his LinkedIn profile, old blogs, and more. I instantly used my internet research tools learned from MTV’s Catfish and image searched his photos to see if he was legit. He seemed charming but in a trustworthy kind of way. Who are these men who provide this? What kind of women do they see? What actually happens? Are there neon lights? I finally, hesitatingly searched Craigslist and found a posting under the search words “sensual massage.” This guy had a website with approachable copy and nice photos of himself. I lived in San Francisco, one of the most sex-positive cities in the world. Is this cheating? Prostitution? Just a fantasy? But still I was intrigued and genuinely curious. So, here I was fantasizing about a random man in New York and the services he could provide for a few hundred dollars. And we never spent the time to build an intimate connection, exploration, and compassionate understanding. I had past trauma that I had never worked through. I owned a perceived sexual power, but I still didn’t understand my body enough to know what would bring me to orgasm with a partner. ![]() I was highly sexual, but I wasn’t actually comfortable talking about what I wanted. It was our young and inexperienced fault, we never actually talked about our sexual needs and desires when we started our relationship. It felt like a checklist of actions, and then we were done. I remember thinking that there was something missing-the feeling of passionate love, taking the time to slow down and be present, the focus on satisfying the other person rather than a quick get off. We still found time for sex, occasionally, but it wasn’t truly fulfilling for either of us. I was in a long-term, monogamous, and very committed relationship. Up until this moment, I had no idea this service actually existed for women, and I instantly felt envious of the women in New York-it was something I needed to have. The quotes he listed from women seemed real. ![]() I am also a woman with a strong sex drive, and I had always had a particular fantasy about a massage turning into something more.Ī few years ago, I stumbled upon an article about a man in New York City who offered highly intimate massages, resulting in dozens of satisfied women. I like searching out intriguing stories and following the rabbit hole of discovery. But beyond the fascinating details of the session itself, it’s the self-realization that the intimate experience inspired in her that proved to be truly life changing. For this week’s Mom Talk, writer and mom Anna Diaz gets deeply personal, opening up about how she researched and eventually ended up paying for a sensual massage-yep, pretty much a “happy ending”-type situation.
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